Who put that plot there?

Ah, story development. Yep, nothing like a well-developed script, a really interesting plot, a back-story to help you understand the character’s motivation. Just keep it the heck out of my action movies!



When I was a kid, I watched The Incredible Hulk on TV every week. I remember Bill Bixby doing some talking and getting into some kind of conflict and then he said, “Don’t make me angry, you won’t like me when I’m angry!” and then ROWR he got huge and all of his clothes shredded off except his pants, all he did to his pants was pop the top button, and he turned GREEN and he looked all different and he growled and he threw things and he picked up the car and he took care of the bad guy and he did some running and his hair got all messed up and people ran, yeah, some people ran away and the Hulk broke some stuff and then and then and then he turned back into Bill Bixby and had some sort of angst and then he hitchhiked.



When I went to the theater to watch The Hulk I was excited at the chance to see the big green man kicking some butt on the big screen. For the first hour of the film, I believed it was possible to die of boredom. If I had gone to the movies expecting a bunch of talking, I would have been fine. I mean, I sat through The Shipping News at the theater twice. On purpose. But watching Eric Bana and Jennifer Connelly chit-chat was just more than I could bear when all I wanted was my big green man. By the time he finally turned into the Hulk and started with the much-anticipated action, I was in the final stages of death and all the fighting sequences did was bring me back to normal.

The same sort of thing happened yesterday when I watched Monster House. The movie eventually delivered what the title promised: a monster house. However, when I go to an animated movie (that didn’t come from Japan) I’m expecting slapstick, perhaps some funny dancing, impossibly silly violence, pretty colors -- something cartoony. It took far too long for the house to start acting monsterous so I took to amusing myself by blowing as hard as I could into my husband’s hair and stealing so many sips of my daughter’s Slurpee that I made myself nauseated.

Superman Returns almost had the same effect on me, but not quite. Thankfully, Kevin Spacey and Parker Posey kept me amused during the down time.

I know how I’m always a preachin’ about how I can’t stand how we’ve been reduced to watching genre films, but please! Sometimes I go to the movie theater expecting to pick up my brain on the way out because I won't be needing it during the movie. It's a two-hour vacation from the thinking, if I want to reason or have complex emotions during a movie I don't go see a movie about a superhero. I need minimal back story to drive it along, just enough explanation so I have an idea of what’s going on, but I’m not really interested in the big green man’s issues with his father or what his motivation is. Keep the plot out of the action!

Remedy for a Hollywood Heat Wave

Because Hollywood (not to mention all of California) has been hit with an overwhelming heat wave this summer, I thought I'd share a few images from our archives featuring scenes of much cooler weather....


"It’s a Wonderful Life" (1946) Frank Capra reportedly went over budget to create the huge amounts of snow – only some of which was real. Rumor has it that there was a crew of three whose job it was only to prevent Jimmy Stewart from constantly making snow angels.*


"Doctor Zhivago" (1965) The cast assembles a publicity photo. It looks cold, but it was all manufactured – snow and all – in Spain. It was told that Alec Guinness was the cast member most talented at writing his name in the snow.*


"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" (2005) "Always winter, but never Christmas." I dunno, with our current weather, I’d still seriously consider that…


"The Empire Strikes Back" (1980) A vacation on the planet Hoth looks pretty good right now… is Star Tours still in business...?


"Help!" (1965) A picnic in the snow with the Beatles... how much would THAT go for on eBay?


"Bambi" (1942) "The water's stiff!" Here’s to freezer burn on your rumproast.


"Citizen Kane" (1941) Charlie Kane's sled (...what was its name...?) abandoned in the snow. ...Are we to believe his parents dug it up later just to put it in storage?


"Edward Scissorhands" (1990) Nothing like a frolic in fake plastic snow to cure what ails ya.

Keep cool, everyone.

* P.S.: You know that those things I said about Alec Guinness and Jimmy Stewart aren't true, right? At least, I have no evidence to support these claims...

"Bicentennial Man"

During the summer I like to catch up on my movie watching. Sometimes I go way, way back and finally see some of those movies that I've meaning to rent for years but never got around to. The other day I watched The Bicentennial Man, which came out in 1999. It only took me seven years. When I write about movies that have been around for so long, I'm going to assume that I'm the last person left on Earth who hasn't seen the film and won't censor anything. Consider this your Spoiler Alert!



Bicentennial Man was a really sweet film. I watched it when I was just in the right mood, willing to sit down and go on a quiet little journey with the main character, an android named Andrew, played by Robin Williams. I haven't been a huge Robin Williams fan since the Mork and Mindy days. He's talented, sure, but Robin Williams and Jim Carrey are both so hyper they make me tense; tension isn't usually what I'm going for when I'm watching the tube.

Instead of bouncing off the walls, Williams was endearing and polite, and made you want a loveable robot of your own. Early on, I thought this would be a cute film to watch with my daughter. As always, Oliver Platt, who showed up later in the story, stole every scene he was in. I always wonder if the writers give him all of the good lines or is he just a genius with the delivery?



When I'm watching a movie, I get completely immersed into my "movie trance" so I judge a movie by how many times I'm taken out of the story, when something on the screen causes me to start pondering something other than what the director intended. Knowing that I was watching a film about a robot, I had already suspended disbelief, but was still unprepared for what was to come.

By the time I was already lost in the movie, it took an odd little turn. I am, by no means, an uptight person, but the thought of a robot getting equipped with a hydraulic wiener so he could boink his previous owner's granddaughter made me feel a tiny bit squirmy. They were in love, fine, the symbolism was not lost on me, but I'm going to be haunted by those implied scenes for a long time. When they showed Andrew eating food for the first time, a post-coital breakfast, all I could think about was what went on during the cut, imagining the sounds of servomotors and bedsprings. I was completely lost for the rest of the movie.

Did Andrew really become human? Or was he always a human trapped in the body of a robot? For that matter, was Frankenstein's monster human? He was made from human parts, does that make him more human than a creature that was made from inorganic materials? If a robot can become human, does that imply that there are people out there who are not human? Why is it so important to be human, can't you be something else and still have worth?

I'm not sorry I watched Bicentennial Man, I really did enjoy it. If nothing else, it's good to step outside my comfort zone now and then, and this film indeed did do that, but now I'm not so sure I'm going to show it to my daughter.

A Study in Facial Design

How is it that two people can have so many of the same features, and yet one is gorgeous and the other one is not quite? What's it like for a normal person with a really good-looking sibling?

I'm not really concerned about every-day folk, most people don't make a living with their face, I'm thinking about actors. This question first poppped into my head when I heard that Benicio Del Toro had a brother. A brother, huh? There are TWO of them out there? Wow! Then I saw Benicio's brother on an episode of Inside the Actor's Studio. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with the man's appearance, but when you're expecting one thing and you get something else, it can be a bit of a shock.

The experience reminded me of Randy Quaid and Dennis Quaid. They look quite similar, but there is just something a little different about them.

Then there is Beau Bridges and Jeff Bridges. I think the family resemblance is easy to see, but one of these things is not as yummy as the other...

Sean Penn and his adorable departed brother Chris Penn kind of look alike, but then again, they kind of don't.

"So, youre Kevin Dillon huh? Can I have Matt's phone number?"

Personally, I would have trouble choosing between the Wilson brothers, but what if you threw Steve Carell into the mix? Doesn't he sort of resemble Luke? But I don't know anyone who considers Steve Carell to be a sex symbol.

I heard that Jason Isaacs has some brothers, but after the Benicio Del Toro Brother Letdown, I just didn't go there. Instead, I thought I would point out how the late and very talented Bob Peck looks like he could be Jason's brother, but one is somehow more attractive than the other.

While we're on the subject of Jurassic Park Stars Who Resemble Other Actors, let's do Sam Neill and Hugo Weaving. This may be the wrong pair to point out, because I think they are both hotties.

Or how about Hugo Weaving and this guy pictured here with him...oh...nevermind.